Why you should not write when your brain is half-dead

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This is something I wrote on a certain Sunday night, after a very very long day. And it will forever remind me not to write with a tired brain on a night like that. I still wonder what exactly I was thinking……… but see for yourself.

“At many moments in our lives, we’re not really sure of what exactly we want. And right now is not one of those moments. Right now I cannot be more convinced of what I want. I crave only one thing; sleep. It’s 10:00pm on a Sunday. Not so late in the night, right? But my body does not seem to agree. My mind…….that one’s been shut down for at least an hour so far. I want to sleep. It’s very straightforward. I want to sleep.

The mere fact that that I’m instead here, scribbling away on a white page that’s probably less blank than my mind, means that I’m not a go-getter. I’m not setting goals and obviously not being aggressive enough in reaching for my dreams.

Get up, Lydia, follow your heart.

Stumble over to that rectangular thing covered with a pink blanket – why is the blanket pink? I don’t like pink!

Lydia, focus.

Keep your mind fixed on your goal, do not give up till you achieve it. Lie on your bed. Pull the covers around you – oh no, there’s the mosquito net. Why do we have to use stupid nets?? Why is Uganda such a hospital habitat?

Keep calm, Lydia, move on.

Just throw the net on, and throw yourself in. That’s all. There you are; warm, snug, safe. But wait a second. Something’s not right. Instinct tells me something’s out of place. I look for it grudgingly, and it hits me; I am able to look for whatever it is because there’s light. Yeah. The light’s on.

Move out of bed, Lydia, it won’t take a second. You know you won’t sleep right when that bright light’s on.

I edge out slowly, like a frightened cat. I stagger to the switch – why is the switch so far away from my bed?

No, no, Lydia, don’t let that get to you.

That’s a blessing, it means your room is of reasonable size. Fine, I’m there now. I’ve turned the light out. But why can’t I find the way back to my bed?”

 

That’s as far as I could go before just totally blacking out. The next time I ever opened my eyes was late the next morning; Monday morning. Well, thank God for “vacation”. I can wake up exceedingly late on a Monday and not receive death threats from an obese boss who has no emotions apart from love; love for money.

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